Because this blog is about my life as an introvert, I thought I would do a series of posts called "Understanding the Introvert." I decided to do this, because I have a handful of extroverted friends, and whenever I try to explain my deeply ingrained fear and dislike of talking to people, the response I get is "your just shy." No. I'm not just shy. There are shy extroverts I'm sure. No, this goes a lot deeper than "just shy."
And here's why (reason number one, at least):
Social interaction makes us introverts tired. This is honestly one of the biggest problems I face. My school has quite a few...we'll call them 'peppy people.' These 'peppy people' feel the need to interact with those around them. For this reason, I tend to map my way around the school traveling through the most secluded stairwells and hallways. However, on the unfortunate and off change that I do run into one of the 'peppy people' here's what usually happens.
Peppy person: Hey hey!!!!!
Me: Uh...hi.
Peppy person: I haven't talked to you in SO long!! Remember when we had all those classes together?!?!? That was SO MUCH FUN!!!! And there was that time.....blah blah!!! blah! blah blah blah!!!!!!!......And remember....
Me: (thinking--Can we continue this conversation on Facebook? Because as much as I really completely enjoy this, the truth is I don't at all. And writing would be a whole lot easier. Plus then I wouldn't have to respond) Oh... (forced laughter)(thinking--was I supposed to laugh there? What were we talking about? HOW DOES SHE HAVE SO MUCH ENERGY?)
Honestly though, the exclamation points in these people's sentences are almost tangible. They're so peppy and high energy all the time that talking to them is like running a marathon, because I always feel as if I have to reciprocate in terms of peppiness, and I end up running myself down completely in the process. Afterwards I feel like
And the thing is, it's not just the peppy people. Any social interaction leaves me a little more tired than before. Talking to people is hard and uses up my energy. Then responding to people at all, even if it's not verbal--just a nod or fake laugh (god fake laughs are the worst. I think they might be my number one energy zapper). And as the school day goes on and my social interaction count builds up, my energy level goes down.
Here's a neat little graph to explain.
Usually I manage to squeeze out the very last drops of energy from inside me in order to make it through the school day and extracurriculars.
But by the time I get home I'm a mess.
And I just want to run up to my room and curl up in my nice warm bed with my lovely, understanding, silent computer to write away my exhaustion.
But my parents have other plans. My parents want to talk. It's always "How was your day?" "Can you do this?" "What classes did you have?" "Is X in your class?" "Did you eat lunch today?" "What did you eat?" "Did you have any tests?" "What homework do you have?" "How long will it take?"
So you can only imagine that I feel like I'm in an interrogation room. Because I'm already frustrated and tired, I generally end up being quite snippy with my parents in response. Which, as you can imagine ends in a bit of a lecture about manners, which only runs me down even more, before I can escape to my room to finally fall into bed and enjoy the lack of people.
A couple of months ago, my glasses broke. I had put them on the floor next to me while I was doing homework, and when I picked them up the arm fell off. I have no idea how that happened, but it did, and there was no fixing it.
Because I love to put things off, I managed to go about two to three months wearing old glasses. Not only did the look and fit horribly, but they also had the wrong prescription, and I wasn't seeing all to well. They were terrible, I had to squint in class, and they were puny little metallic-famed ovals, so I looked like Dexter, from Dexter's Laboratory.
Finally, I decided that as much as I love not doing things, it wasn't worth putting up with those awful glasses, and found myself at the same store I've been going to since I first found out I needed glasses in fourth grade.
There, I found myself confronted with a dilemma I had faced many a time before: Which glasses should I get?
There I stood surrounded in a wonderland of frames, completely overwhelmed and not knowing where to start. Luckily for me, the sales clerk started for me, bringing me a pair of green plastic glasses.
Unluckily for me, those glasses were the exact same ones I had broken just a couple months earlier, and I was ready for a change.
So I dauntlessly made my way over to the racks and racks of glasses, combing through each one ever so carefully, hoping to find the perfect pair. I tried on countless pairs of glasses. Metal frames, plastic frames, pink frames, black frames, frames that were too big for my face, and frames that were too small. You don't even want to know how many pairs of hipster glasses I tried on. And I didn't even want hipster glasses! But it seems like every glasses store is completely filled with them. Finally after hours of searching (yes hours. I can be err... indecisive) and probably trying on every pair in the shop, I found the perfect pair.
I was so excited about this pair. In fact, I was convinced that they were the best pair I had bought to date, and I hurriedly placed my order and handed over my prescription not being able to wait for them to be ready.
As I waited, I told everyone about them (and considering I don't love talking to people that's saying something). I described them as the perfect glasses. I even think that at one point I might have vowed never to buy another pair again, they were that great. I simply couldn't wait to show them off.
So, when I finally got the call letting me know that they were ready to pick up, I was on my way to the glasses store before the person on the other end of the line had even finished talking. I excitedly wore my new glasses home with plans to show everyone I knew how cool they were.
Alas, I was on my way home when I caught my reflection in a shop window. And that's when I realized it: my perfect glasses were hipster glasses.
As you should know by now, I am quite the introvert. I need my time alone and get completely exhausted from having to talk to people. Honestly though: this hermit crab is my spirit animal.
I am also an only child, which makes being alone pretty easy most of the time.
To be perfectly frank I'm really for that introvert lifestyle. I am completely happy with my introvertedness (why is that not a word?), and I definitely do not wish I was an extrovert...except when it snows.
I don't know why, but for some reason I really love the idea of coming in to a warm house after a cold but beautiful walk in the snow, and then making yourself a nice steamy much of dark hot chocolate with extra marshmallows and sitting by the fire playing a nice board game with the family. I mean, doesn't everybody love the idea of that. Isn't that, like, the American Dream or something?
I still have these feelings now, but especially when it would snow when I was younger it was as if that was all I wanted out of life (that and to be able to build awesome snow sculptures like Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes).
(in case you have no clue what Calvin and Hobbes is, here's a picture of some of Calvin's snowmen)
Anyway, at a very young age my hopes and dreams were dashed because either
a) my parents didn't really enjoy playing children's board games with me and frequently looked for an excuse to get out of it...
or
b) I was way to cool to be playing board games with my parents of all people.
And then I discovered Jenga.
For those of you who don't know, Jenga is a game that starts out looking like this
Then the player or players slowly remove the rectangle blocks from anywhere but the very top of the tower. Like this
The object of the game is basically to see how long you can go with out the tower going like this
So I started liking Jenga because it's fun, and better yet it's fun to play alone. There aren't many games like that. I don't know if you've tried playing Monopoly or Apples to Apples by yourself, but I can promise you from experience they're much better with other people (games are as a rule one of the few things that people do make better).
So as I grew older and continued playing Jenga, and then discovered my love for writing and analyzing text metaphors and symbolism, I realized the other reason why Jenga is so fantastic...
It's a metaphor.
Now I realize, that you probably think I'm nuts (may or may not be true) and that this theory of mine is far fetched, but I'm asking you to hear me (or I guess read me?) out first. Then, if you decide I'm crazy and my metaphor makes no sense that's fine by me. As long as you read my reasoning.
Basically, the way I see it, Jenga is a metaphor for people. Every person starts as a clean, innocent, fresh newborn baby. Like that first tower.
But then, the baby enters the world and starts to grow up, and that's when the trouble starts.
The players in the game of Jenga are also people. They're the people who laughed at that baby when she fell, the people who bullied her, and lied to her, and talked about her behind her back. And every time they do one of those things, they push her just a little closer to her breaking point. Like removing the pieces.
Finally, one day, the baby has had enough and...she falls. Just like the tower.
So, I think Jenga is really important to realize as a metaphor, because it makes us think about the way we affect people: how even if it's something so little, so insignificant, to us, it could be the equivalent of removing that person's final block. I think that in some indirect way, playing Jenga actually helps us in our relationships with other's by teaching us the concept of pushing something too far past it's limits, and by making us aware of how our decisions (i.e. which block to pull) effect everyone around us as well.
I've been thinking about this a lot recently because it's snowing, and also because I've been dealing with a lot of social anxiety and depression recently, and sometimes I wonder how many blocks I have left.
I'm not much of a sports person. Actually, I'm the exact opposite of an athlete (is there a word for that? disathlete? nonlethe?) Basically, when I hear "sports," my mind sees this, and I start to panic.
That being said, I love the Winter Olympics. I'm practically glued to my TV during them. My favorite event is Ice Dancing: I just think it's so pretty and extremely impressive. This year, in Sochi, actually had some of the best Ice Dancing I've seen in a long time. Meryl Davis and Charlie White honestly make me proud to be American. You can't imagine how excited I was when they beat their own world record for the short dance.
And Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir have the most incredible chemistry on ice.
These are the reasons I love the Winter Olympics especially: the people. I love that in every single figure skating event you can see Olympian's passion for their sport. I love watching the relationships between a coach and an athlete (How cute is it that Tess and Scott have the same coach?). I love lamenting over the fact that my favorite pairs of ice skaters aren't dating (Come on Tessa and Scott, you obviously want each other). I love for once having something to talk about with other people that I actually want to talk about. The Winter Olympics is the one time that I'm not constantly "Avoiding Social Interaction." And then it ends--so suddenly. All at once, there's no more Olympian interviews, no more skating on almost every news station, no more tragic, yet funny stories about reporters with pink eye in both their eyes (I'm looking at you Bob Costas), no more Jamaican Bobsledding, no more reasons to talk to people. Just like that it disappears, leaving me in a state of utter withdrawal.
And so while I'd love to say that I have better things to do than spend all my free time watching clips of my favorite moments from Sochi 2014, and obsessivley checking Olympians facebooks and twitters, I can't, because I really do miss the Olympics.
The other line on the Bookshelf Express is the one that fills me with shame, because it contains all those books I bought, but haven't yet gotten around to reading. Shall we just jump right in?
The first stop on this line is quite embarrassing. It's a book I bought in third grade, called Time Stops for no Mouse. It's by Michael Hoeye, and it actually looks like quite a cute, easy read, but for some reason I can never get around to reading more than a page of it, which in my mind doesn't count as starting it at all.
That's definitely the book that's been on my TBR shelf for the longest, but this next one is a close second. It's called Pawn of Prophecy by David Eddings. I think the problem with this book is that I got it when I was too young. It was a gift from my uncle, who is quite the intellect and not very good at giving gifts, especially to children. At the time I got it (I think it was fourth grade) I didn't even know what the words "pawn" and "prophecy" meant, so I put it on my shelf, and, sadly, haven't touched it since.
This next book is just as shameful I'm sad to say. It's called Queste, and It's part of The Septimus Heap Series. I remember that I read the first three books in the series on vacation several years back, and I really loved them. So, when I got home, I begged my mother to let me buy the fourth book in the series, but when I opened it up, I realized that I had forgotten everything about the series, because I had read them at the start of my vacation, and apparently my little mind couldn't hold that much information at a time. So I never did end up reading it.
The next stop is quite a bit less embarrassing for me, as I got it at the start of last year. It's called Here There be Dragons, and everything about it calls to me to read it. I mean, it's got dragons, maps, adventure, a great cover, an awesome title...what more could I want? I'll tell you what: bigger print. I don't know why but for some reason I find it very hard to read books that have small print, maybe it's because I'm myopic. Anyway, I tried to start it four times, and each time I got too frustrated with the size of the print to continue. That's one thing I really like about Queste actually: the print is huge.
The next stop is some international books I acquired from my Australian Uncle, two of them by Eleanor Spence called Jamberoo Road and The Switherby Pilgrims and a third by Ivan Southall called Josh. Here's the thing about these books, they just look kind of...well...boring. There's not even a drop of magic in them. Actually the first two seem boring. Josh seems really interesting actually, but let's be honest I'm never going to start it before I start the fantasy TBRs.
For this next stop, there's two books by the same name: The Alchemist. The first one is by Paulo Coelho. It was a book that I was supposed to read for school over the summer, but then my English teacher changed before school started, and the new one didn't want us to read it. I've heard good things about it, but like the others on this shelf just haven't gotten around to reading it. The other book by this name is by Micheal Scott, and I bought it from a secondhand bookstore very excitedly, because it said it was about Nicolas Flamel, and you all know how I love my Harry Potter.
The penultimate stop on this Bookshelf Express line is a stop for the author Jonathan Stroud. I read his Bartimaeus Trilogy, not too long ago, and I adored it. So, naturally, the day after I finish I logged onto Amazon and ordered Heroes of the Valley and The Last Siege, also by him. I desperately wanted to read these books, but I got so caught up with school work and such, that I just kind of forgot about them, sadly enough.
And finally, my most shameful stop of all: The Classics I have yet to read. This list includes A Wrinkle in Time (I know, I know, who hasn't read this one?), Oliver Twist, A Tale of Two Cities, Around the World in Eighty Days, My Friend Flicka (I never did love horses anyway), and For Whom the Bell Tolls.
So there you have it: a list of books that bring me unadulterated shame. Have any of you read any of these books?
Ah, well I think this brings us to the end of our journey aboard the Bookshelf Express. I do hope you enjoyed you ride, and please do travel with us again.
I love reading. I absolutely adore it. When I was younger I wanted to be a professional reader, and read books for a living. As I grew older, I realized that is basically the job of an editor, so that's what I want to do. Ideally I would like to be a book editor, I think (how cool would it be to be John Green's editor?), but sometimes I have fantasies about being Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada,because lets be honest she was fabulous (I know the monologue in the video by heart). Anyway, the point of this post isn't really to rant about what a teen I am for loving The Devil Wears Prada so much, but to give you guys a little insight into who I am. You know that saying "never judge a book by its cover?" Well, that's all fine and dandy, but when it comes to applying it to people, I like to alter the saying a little. Instead of "never judge a book by its cover," the words I like to live by are "always judge a person by his or her books." Okay, so that makes my sound like the world's biggest book snob, but its not that I'm saying you shouldn't like someone who reads chick flicks (because lets be honest who doesn't?), I'm simply trying to point out that you can really tell a lot about a person by the kind of books they read.
Don't believe me? Lets take a look at my bookshelf and see what you can discover about me.
All aboard the bookshelf express! Currently we are riding the "my favorite books line," where I keep those books which are most important to me. Please note that I do not own every one of my favorite books, because the list goes on and on and on (like that journey song).
The first stop on this line is The Harry Potter Series. Harry Potter is the series that made me love reading. Actually, before Harry Potter, I was really struggling with reading at all. In fact, it took me until third grade to learn how. I have shared many of my best memories with Harry: Waiting outside a theater for ten hours dressed as Dumbledore in anticipation of the midnight premier of the final movie, crying my eyes out throughout that entire movie, wizard rock concerts... Basically I'm a huge nerd. But in all honesty, I don't think I can express how much this series means to me. I have a very hard time imagining that I will ever love a book as much as I have loved these. I struggled a lot with making friends and just generally interacting with people when I was younger (what am I talking about when I was younger? I totally still do. Have you seen the title of this blog?). And Harry and Co were basically my only friends at the time. I still have diaries full of conversations I wished I was having with them. Really the only thing I can say about them is that they truly are magical. (Yes I know that's uber cheesy, but its also completely true, and I won't take it back).
So, now that I've shown you all what a complete and total nerd I am, I bet you can guess what's coming up next. That's right! John Green Books! I've got all of them on my shelf, though Paper Towns and An Abundance of Katherines are my favorite. I know, its a shocker: My favorite John Green book is not TiFioS (she says as she prepares for an attack from Augustus Waters fangirls). I don't really have much to say about these except that they are fun, yet beautiful, and everyone should read them. Oh and DFTBA.
Similar to John Green, the next book we're going to is It's Kind of a Funny Story by Ned Vizzini. This book is one hell of a story. I don't think anybody is as good at expressing his or her narrator's thoughts in a simple and relatable, yet also deeply moving way, as is Ned Vizzini. I think, especially with the stigma surrounding mental health, that this book is important for people to read, not unlike The Bell Jar, which (although not on this list) is another of my favorites.
Next stop is...Inkheart! Inkheart was also one of those books that helped me love reading. I remember in particular reading over and over the line: "the girl with the clear, bright eyes, little pieces of sky fallen to the earth and caught in her dark lashes" (Funke, 383-384). I guess even in fourth grade I had a thing for poetic writing, because I thought that that line was the single most beautiful line ever written. I do still think its quite lovely.
So I guess by now you all have realized that I have kind of a thing for fantasy. Particularly children's fantasy. That's why it should be no surprise to you that this next stop on my bookshelf express is also a children's fantasy book. Although, this one is a lot more obscure than those previous few. It's called Dragon Slippers, and it's by Jessica Day George. Its very whimsical and all around I think it's the perfect book for middle schoolers, or for anyone who, like me, has a fascination with children's literature.
Keeping with the fantasy theme (what can I say? It's my biggest weakness), the next stop is Philip Pullman's His Dark Materials. This series is one of those really popular books that no one seems to have read except me. You know the type I'm talking about: it's on just about every list of top books ever, but whenever you ask someone if they've read it, the response is "Oh, I've been meaning to," or "Not yet, but I saw the movie" (psshhh, all of us His Dark Materials fans know that the movie version of The Golden Compass was frankly demeaning to the book). I adore these books. I think the reason I love these books so much is that I can read them over and over and over and still find new and interesting meanings in each one of them. Also, the fantasy in these books is among the best I've ever read, and you know how I love my fantasy. Here's a picture of my 3 in 1 (ooh fancy) copy.
Speaking of the best fantasy story building in books, the next one on this line is The Hobbit. Classic nerd, I know. But you know what? I'm proud of it. I'm especially proud of my copy of this book. It's probably been my best secondhand find, as it is a hardcover illustrated copy. That's right illustrated! Sometimes I just gaze at the pictures to be completely honest. I love The Hobbit, and I feel like it's one of those book everyone has to read. It's world building is second only to that of Terry Pratchett's Discworld Series, which by the way is next.
Yup, it's Discworld time. I only own three of these books, though I've read many many more. The three I own are The Wee Free Men, Thud!, and Going Postal. Out of these, The Wee Free Men is by far my favorite, as I think Tiffany Aching is should be up there on lists of strong fictional women with such notables as Hermione Granger and Lizzy Bennet. Basically Terry Pratchett is the master of all things world building, so if you love books because they let you disappear from earth and slip into a fantastically creative and adventure-filled world, then you should definitely start reading his books.
The next book on this shelf is one by an author who's writing is very similar to Terry Pratchett: Neil Gaiman. I love many of his books, but the only one I own, and my favorite by far is The Graveyard Book. As the title suggests it's a little darker than the other children's fantasy books on my shelf, but definitely just as good. Gaiman has a talent to spin words the way no one else does, and if you haven't read it yet, I insist you go to your local library and rent it right now.
You must be thinking wow, how many books does this chick have? Or if not, then you're probably thinking she's way too obsessed with fantasy. Well, as for that first thought, lets get something straight. I. Spend. All. My. Money. On. Books. Fellow bibliophiles out there will understand, so I don't feel like I need to elaborate on this. As for the second thought, don't worry that was the last of my fantasy books, unfortunately for those who don't appreciate children's literature like I do, there are still two more kids books at this next stop. Those two are: Revolting Rhymes and Fantastic Mr. Fox by Roald Dahl. Revolting Rhymes is phenomenal. It's probably the funniest book I've ever read, but also really makes me think about modern day fairy tales. So, I really enjoy the fact that along with being hilarious it is also teaching children to question what society presents to them (oh look at me being such a hipster). Fantastic Mr. Fox, on the other hand, is simply the most charming book out there, and Wes Anderson's movie adaption of it is no less fantastic (please pardon the horrible and very much intended pun). As a side note, Quentin Blake is probably my favorite illustrator ever.
So now the final stop on this treasured train line are my classics. Sadly, I don't have many of these, but the ones I do have are by far the best I've read (of course everything's a matter of opinion). These books are: The Great Gatsby, To Kill a Mockingbird (who doesn't love Scout Finch), Pride and Prejudice, The Importance of Being Earnest (my favorite play and author), Macbeth (I love Shakespeare and this is my favorite of his. "Out Damn Spot")and I Capture the Castle. Chances are you have all know what at the very least three of these books are about, so I'm just going to talk about I Capture the Castle. To start things off this book is just beautiful. It has everything a book should have: romance, a strong narrator, adventure, humor. This book is a must read and re read and re read, because I promise Dodie Smith, author of 101 Dalmatians, will blow your mind.
So, now lets go back to my original statement: "always judge a person by his or her books." I think that there are five essential qualities of mine that stand out as obvious from the books I love. Let's take a look, shall we?
1. I am a nerd: Let's be honest, I have way too much fantasy on my shelf to not be a nerd. On top of that the fact that I have every single John Green book on my shelf should be some indication to the fact that I'm a Nerdfighter.
2. I am whimsical: Again the huge fantasy collection I have points out the fact that I an one of those people who all ways has her head in the clouds. I guess you could call me a sort of Don Quixote...if you wanted to be unnecessarily frank, of course.
3. I wish I was still ten: I'm pretty sure that about half of these books are children's books, so yeah you could say I have childish taste, but I prefer to call myself "the female Peter Pan."
4. I'm a bit of a cynic: Aside from John Green and the classics I don't think that there's a single romance book on this list. On top of that, my favorite John Green book, Paper Towns, is by far the least romantic of his novels. That's just because, well I'm a Scrooge when it comes to these things.
5. I have a sense of humor: A lot of these books rely heavily on humor, because I often have a hard time getting through books that don't make me laugh. Funny is everything to me. There's a reason my favorite play is The Importance of Being Earnest.
Well I hope you enjoyed your ride on the Bookself Express. Please travel with us again.
